Songs for Fresh Sadness

My father passed away on December 23, 2019, 31 years to the day that we lost his mother, my grandmother. Because I am a music therapist through the loss of my dad I began to think about all the music that either reminded me of him, or came to mind in my grief while I was mourning him. I sent several of these to my step mother, but I’m not sure if she’s really a music person, so I have no idea if these songs comforted her.

The first song, When I’m gone, was especially powerful to me when I thought of her and how sad she would be without my dad. They had been married for almost 23 years and they were best friends. The traveled a lot and enjoyed each other’s company. When I first heard this song I cried like a baby. I still cry every time I listen to it.

Part of the reason it hits me so hard is Joey + Rory themselves. They had a beautiful love story and then she was struck down by cancer and died. When I first discovered them as a singing duo she was already gone, but I had no idea. So I was driving in the rain, listening to their music on You tube when I story popped up about her fight with cancer and her death. I had spent the day working with hospice patients and I was overwhelmed with sadness so profound I couldn’t even talk. I still think about their incredible love for each other and it makes me happy and sad at the same time.

The next song, by JJ Heller Your Hands is a song I come back to in times of trouble. It always reminds me that no matter what trouble is in the world the Lord shelters us in his hands and take care of us. More important to know now more than ever.

The third song is just a great song. It is the song I sang to my dad before I left on the 22nd of December. It was one of the last communications i Had with him. As I sang it I swear he was singing along from somewhere inside himself. His eyebrows kept moving expressively and it made me smile. I did not know it was the last time I would see him or sing for him, but I’m glad that was the last song I sang. I imagine my dad running down the streets of Gold in Heaven (Gold for Mizzou of course) and praising Jesus with the singing voice he never had. I imagine he’s in a choir with Gene Wilder and they are holding a hymnal.

Below are these things on what I hope to be a growing spotify list.